Rahab's tears

I cried myself to sleep last night
Only to find the morning
Eyes not dried
Wondering
If the rest of my days will be like this
Extending myself in a moment of godless passion
Believing it will fill the void
Only to find
The chasm expanse widened
Am I so unloveable
Am I chained to the temporal
Filling my cup with tiny drops of wine
That evaporate at dawn
God
Does he know
Does he cry with me
Is he enough to kill the torment
Have I sentenced myself
This choice
Was it mine
Is there still redemption
Available
Or
Am I beyond
Hope