Rahab's tears

I cried myself to sleep last night
Only to find the morning
Eyes not dried
Wondering
If the rest of my days will be like this
Extending myself in a moment of godless passion
Believing it will fill the void
Only to find
The chasm expanse widened
Am I so unloveable
Am I chained to the temporal
Filling my cup with tiny drops of wine
That evaporate at dawn
God
Does he know
Does he cry with me
Is he enough to kill the torment
Have I sentenced myself
This choice
Was it mine
Is there still redemption
Available
Or
Am I beyond
Hope

A Volunteer's Joy

When I give my time in service
With no paycheck ever reaped
When joy is but the blessing I receive
I count it all a worth of gold
To simply volunteer and be a servant
Someone, somewhere, somehow, sometime needs

When I give my heart to love
When it's not required of me
Joy is the grandest blessing I receive
For many hearts both near and far
What money cannot buy
Will soon embrace the love that comes from me

So I choose to give my time and heart
That others may be blessed
And for such joy I express to God
My abundant thankfulness

Separated

Redefine my love for you
Tell me it’s okay
To love you now
That she has gone away

The dotted line has not been signed
The covenant still stands
A promise two once made
Now rests in shaky hands

My sister speaks no more with me
But you have yet remained
A friend, But now I think
Of the relationship I have gained

I first thought of you, my brother
But without her, is that true
My sister chose to leave
And now it’s them and you

Is it only for the children
That we have gotten close
Are the words unsaid
The words we fear the other knows

Yet no one speaks lest
What we have is rent beyond repair
And so we walk with awkward steps
And a silent love we share

The greatest intimacy remembered

Remembering your touch last night
As I lay in bed, just me
Wondering if somewhere else
You might be remembering

Remembering your fragrant smell
The scent of your cologne
A smell that fondly lingered
When I left, when then alone

Remembering the rhythm
Of your heartbeat next to mine
Hearing only your breath
As we both were lost in time

Remembering the look
Of bewilderment in your eyes
In that moment, only us
What we thought was paradise

Not remembering your taste
Because there never was a kiss
And yet the greatest intimacy
With you, I didn’t miss

The Source of my Rest

I wake early in the morning
Finding nothing but the stillness of the moment
And the lingering presence of God
My heart slows to a faint beat and I rest
On my bed
In the darkness and wait
The day has yet to begin and I lay wondering
What it will hold for me
But as I lay there
I find I become relaxed at the thought
That no matter how the day will turn out
There will always be a place like this for me
A place of rest and stillness
Be it in the darkness in my bedroom
Or in the bustle of my work day
Whenever the day finds me weary and worn
I can stop for maybe only seconds
And find I am in the presence of God
The source of my rest

Missing Carol

(I wrote this poem, a few years ago, for Carol. This might explain why workplace friendships are few and far between for me. I make buddies, and hold them at arm's length. Because somewhere deep inside... I know I'll have to say good-bye.)

Carol (Maverick)... I still miss you. I love you, sister. Ruby (Goose)

You’ve been gone for so long
My cherished friend
We had a bond, I thought
That could never end
We worked together
Laughed together
And embraced as good friends do
But now you’re gone
And I’m left wondering
What became of you
I should let you go
They tell me
And in my head I know it’s true
But it hurts so much to say good-bye
My friend, I still miss you
From the start you loved and valued me
Sisters we became
And now when I think of you
I smile
When it doesn’t cause me pain

Torn

(I wrote this poem almost 10 years ago... the cycle continues... new faces. Same old lesson yet unlearned.)


I’m torn between my love for you
And what I feel for him
My soul is troubled
And my heart is wrenched within
No sin has been committed
Because commitment isn’t there
But the fire that burns within
Could strip a spirit bare

If you were more than just a brother
If he were less than just a friend
There would be no struggle
And this tug-o-war would end
I laugh with you but I’m drawn to him
And to the Spirit that dwells in you both
You’re the one that’s changed my life
But he’s the one who’s gotten close

Sometimes I think it’s not a choice
A road I choose to take
But God melts two hearts as one
A decision He has made

Still I am torn between my love for you
And what I feel for him
And I pray with all my strength
That this that this won’t turn into sin

Heaven’s Rehearsal

The day will come when in Glory I’ll stand
Worshipping there in the Promised Land

The freedom I’ve longed for to worship unbound
Will be mine, no shame will hold me down

But I’m not at the throne of my Lord just yet
Still on Earth for a while but…

I can practice today for what soon will be
The worship event of all eternity

Every day I awake till Jesus I meet
Will be a day I can worship the King of all Kings

With all I can give him, today I will bow
I’ll look forward to Heaven, but I’ll worship now